i am so grateful.

grateful: (adj)

1. Appreciative of benefits received; thankful.
2. Expressing gratitude.
3. Affording pleasure or comfort; agreeable

Exactly how I feel. However, I must say I didn't feel this way .. a few hours ago.

Might as well recap as that's what this blog is for, eh? Heh. Today was pretty good. I woke up earlyish. 10:40? Haha, I was really tired though. Practiced for about an hour, and then went to the Chinese Christmas party. I was pretty excited, I must admit, and my expectations weren't entirely met when I first arrived. But I'd like to say they were at the end of it.

Met up with Carrie and Reina first. It was really fun, even though there wasn't any Chinese food at a Chinese party. I mean, wtfff! Pizza. And it wasn't good pizza. Haha, after that, we went "rock climbing" and it was fun. Then Sravya, Neil and Max came (respectively) and we just kinda messed around, talked to Laura, Carmen, Ranni, Jennifer and Elizabeth and stuff. It was cool.

So I was part of the singing competition.. I did "Luo Ye Gui Gen." It was.. not my best performance. That 2nd chorus was so out of tune, but it's alright. Still got 5th place.. (out of 8 people, ahahah!) but that's okay.. :P No one has to know the latter part. It was still fun though, got a nice applause too.

Haha, so I am officially the new translator of the GCCA, because man.. "this dance.. is named HIP-HOP" and "RUBEN DANCE" was probably like.. so funny. Mmm asian accent. My piano solo was pretty good I guess, but no one was there. Hahaha. Oh too well. >.> After that, we had to fix up the rock wall, and then just kinda messed around until we could go to the mall..

Mmm rode to the mall with Neil and Tim. It was pretty fun, we just talked about video games the entire time, ahahaha. It was pretty fun, we met up with Jennifer and Elizabeth and some other people at the mall too.. it was cool I guess. Then I got ditched. :D And it went downhill from there. Pretty much they just kind of left me. It was a really horrible feeling, it was like they didn't want you there.. and they would try their best to keep it that way. So I just walked around the mall like a crazy lunatic.. luckily I met up with Sravya. Man, so glad she was there.. it was nice to talk to someone humble, haha. Saw so many SHS-ers at the mall though.. so many so many, haha. But yeah. So we met up with "them" and they waited on us for a bit then randomly left.. supposedly they told us that they were going to go.. but I didn't hear them at all..

So I was pretty ticked off at that, and I guess, I decided to give them a second chance? If they did what they did before, then I would know what kind of "people" they were. So yeah, it happened. Talked to them about it, and they were quite apathetic about it. So I got irritated. Haha, fortunately, my family came to the mall about at the same time.. so as I walked towards Belk's to find my dad, I met up with them again.. mmm, what a great time. Talked about it a bit more, and Neil kind of said some.. really hypocritical thing that was.. something I didn't expect him to say. But yeah..

Luckily, I did get some stuff from the mall for presents. Just got a few things left to get. Got home, and got online. Immediately, I needed someone to rant to. Someone. Fast. And.. Carrie was there. Thank God. We talked about this issue, talked about best friends, being the #2 person. She had a really nice response about it and I hope it's the truth. We also talked about how I shouldn't dwell on this and it was probably easy to explain. Hope she was right..

She was. Ashley got on too and I talked to her about life, about being sad and stuff. Quite relieving. Jennifer got on later.. I talked to her about stuff. She also told me that her mother thinks I'm handsome, I look like Wang Lee Hom, and I should sing at the GCCA thing and they will be my back-up dancers. It was pretty nice to hear such a great compliment. She also had to call me to explain some details, but yeah. It seemed like everything was out in the open.. almost.. then Angela and Neil got on. Thank GOD Angela got on. Someone I can rant to all the time and they'll still give me feedback. This time it was more awkward to do it to Neil since he was involved in the little "fiasco." Eh. Talked to Angela about it, and then talked to Neil about it. I mean, I had to get this situated, right? I didn't want it to bother our friendship.. luckily, we got it all clarified. I even learned more about him than I did before. He's really a worthy friend to have. (the whole.. "you can have her" thing.. hmm..) My friends worry about me. It's.. so.. great. I'm so blessed that they would talk about me to make sure I was okay.. they truly are amazing friends. And.. someone actually cared about my feelings? Me? The guy that everyone is bestfriends with but isn't actually their "best" friend? Yeah.. it was pretty nice, a change is gonna come.. oh yeah, Sam Cooke...

Also, for those asking about the "IHATETHISIHATETHISIHATETHISIHATETHIS // blogging." away message, don't worry. It's been all resolved. It just sucks to be the median, the one who is in the awkward position all the time. I've been in that situation too many times and I didn't want it to happen today. But I don't think it did, and I hope it won't. So thanks Paavan and David for worrying about me. You others I've already acknowledged enough in this blog post, heh. :]

Talked to Reina too about.. so many things. Life, people in our lives, especially a few we decided to "analyze." It was fun, but also unfortunate that it was probably the truth.. (about the analyzing of people). Hehe blushing and fishies in the sea.. It was nice to talk to them today. I am SO grateful for Angela, Neil, Reina & Carrie. SO GRATEFUL. I mean, without them, I wouldn't have gotten through this day. And now.. I'm happy again? Mm, quite a shocker. But a turnaround, and a nice one, I'd say.

My facebook status see-saw'd from negative status to sad status to emo status.. "Gary is sick of you and hopes it's contagious." "Gary hopes someone will realize how hard it is." (being frustrated, etc.) "Gary made it, but broke it? Possibly." This relates to yesterday's blog if you paid attention..

I think in the end, though, I made it. I think it was made the entire day. It just had some conflicts in the way.

Songs of the evening composed of "Over You," "the WORLD," and "Alumina." (Throw in a couple of Death Note OST's too.)

Gotta post Nina's philosophy because it helps me so much.

TaiwaneseDude9 (12:18:52 AM): "we all seem to try to find our solutions
TaiwaneseDude9 (12:18:55 AM): and look so hard for them
TaiwaneseDude9 (12:19:02 AM): but we don't even know what the problem is."
TaiwaneseDude9 (12:19:08 AM): i think right now, we all hae so many problems
TaiwaneseDude9 (12:19:10 AM): and we just want them solved
TaiwaneseDude9 (12:19:11 AM): so fast so fast
TaiwaneseDude9 (12:19:15 AM): that we dont even know what is the problem
TaiwaneseDude9 (12:19:18 AM): we just know there's too many

I think I've solved a problem today. With my friends. I am so grateful for them. I think I realized one of my problems, and I found the solution. WE found the solution. I don't want to run away. I don't want to run in fear, in cowardice, I want to face them, confront them, and SOLVE them. I know my friends will back me up, I know it, I know it..

- Gary
(is so grateful for his friends that matter.)