feel so free; but so frail.

when i came up with the title of this blog entry, i felt really free. i felt happy and stuff. even though i did stay up till 4:30 am. and woke up at like 11:30, being rushed to get ready for lunch. but i guess it was well worth it. playing badminton and biking and stuff was really nice, because i felt like i was one-to-one with nature.. and if i was singing to nature, i was singing to everyone; because everybody gets to see the sky.

talked to some people a bit, fortunately, of the two "crappy" things that happened TODAY (as in the 24th), one of them was resolved and i'm grateful for that. the other was just.. ugh.

but now i don't feel so.. happy. (here comes the frail part) today, something happened to me -- i got pointed out all the weaknesses and the flaws of myself, and i really hate that.

one part is appearance. sigh. that one's always been something, eh? i guess i should accept the fact that it could be a reason why i feel perfectly miserable inside. sigh. i love all of these reasons tie in with one another, somehow. this.. just really sucks.

i can't express it all here because i don't want my friends to know about it, because i don't want them to worry about me. i'm supposed to be worrying about them, and that's all. right now, i've realized that i am just not.. good enough..

screw the qualities that i have if no one will ever be able to reach them. it's no good, no good at all. frail means morally weak. haha, or just plain weak. in all aspects. sigh.

i really hate being skinny, mygod. it's an incredibly horrible thing to be for me, and i absolutely hate it. but i just don't know what i can do, and i don't think anyone can help me. maybe santa will listen to me? :]

this just isn't fair. if i'm trying to be a good friend and a good person, shouldn't i get some justification for that? sighhhhh. i've done that a lot now, haven't i?

WHY MUST I BE INFERIOR TO EVERYONE?!

well, merry christmas guys. :D my friends totally rock and i love them to pieces.

- Gary

Today, I'm my own ally
I've decided that I'm going to be a l o n e
In this vast world
That's right, aggressive.