Feeling like a Di Di (little brother)

I went through a lot in the past two days @ my grandmother's house (dad's side). I saw two of my cousins (23, 18) that I haven't seen for .. 14 years. 14.

And the reason why I'm sort of sad is because I don't know half the cousins (maybe more) on my dad's side. It's so different there than it is here (here on my mom's side). The older cousin (his name's Shawn) came in yesterday night at around 6 and I was like ?? who is this?

Some big, burly, muscular Asian kid carrying a basketball and a backpack. Who is this? And why is he in my grandmother's house?

"He shee A shong ge ge!" (taiwanese for "that's Shawn Ge Ge") my dad says.

Oh.

I already remember him through.. pictures. When I was like 5. (But I guess 2/3 then from 14 years.)

"Stand up, say hello" my mom says.

Uh.
Awkward feeling.
This guy is like.. a stranger to me.
And he looks super intimidating.

He starts to talk. "I used to take care of you when you were a kid!" (oh, and he and his family live in new hampshire so that's why he knows english. rofl. he's graduated from college in chemical engineering and came back to visit relatives for the summer.)

"Oh, really?" *awkward laugh* The one that Judy always points out. "That's cool."

More awkward silence is broken up by my mom's inviting personality.

"Talk to him, he's your cousin!"

.. A cousin I haven't heard of in the last 14 years?

"Stand up, Gary!" my mom continues.

"Yeah, stand up, lemme see how tall you are." I guess I have to if my 23 year-old "ge ge" requests it.

I stand up.

.. Woah. He's like 3 inches shorter than me. Suddenly I don't feel as small.

"DANG." (maybe he said damn? i couldn't hear him that well.)

Heh. Awkward smile/flattered face.

"Alright, well I'm gonna go play b-ball, you guys wanna come"

I kinda wnated to even though I have the basketball skill of a flying squirrel on crack. But at least I'm tall-ish.

But I declined. We hadn't had dinner.

But the curious feeling was just.. how have I not heard about you in the last 14 years of my life?

And that just makes me wonder. It's sad actually.

But I met his sister (Gina), who also used to take care of me. She's going to NYU this August in neuroscience. She talked to me about choosing colleges, taking AP's and SAT/ACT and stuff like that. I felt like we had clicked.

I requested to be their friends on facebook. I mean, I guess we should be.. we're cousins.. right?

Right.
We're cousins.
Ohana.
We're family.
Haha, lilo&stitch.
But yeah. I hope I get to know them better. I feel like I'm obligated. And I really want to. I've always wanted an older brother/sister. Supposedly we were pretty close when I was an infie. (infant lmao.) So.. we'll see.

when you're dreaming with a broken heart.. (dang that song and piano is stuck in my head.)

- Gary