sometimes

i wonder how my life would be if just for that one moment, my fight-or-flight took full control and i did something i know i would totally regret.

--

say that you can't do this anymore and just see what happens.
snap something back when they're trying to lecture you about "time management."
shout to the world that you are so fucking lonely,
and you don't know why.
tell that person that you've loved them but you don't know if you can go through with them.
curse yourself for never being able to be good enough. (oh, that 98 you were proud of last night just suddenly paled in comparison when someone got a 99. or their grade went from a 96 to a 98 with one flash.)
ask them if they simply care -- or not -- because then you don't have to try so hard.
yell at them: "you have no sympathy for me whatsoever."
silently cut yourself in the corner, weeping and crying about all the missed opportunities, and all the opportunities you just didn't do well with, just like the blood that runs down your wrists.
rebel against everything and just stay home for the next three days, sobbing your eyes out. it's not like you have a chance at being successful anyway.

--

and you think God wants us to think this?

i think so.