would you cry just a little for me?

so earlier (like an hour ago) i was like, on the verge of tears because i had just found out that i got an excellent rating in piano on saturday, not superior; meaning that my 6 consecutive years of superior's just went down the drain, i no longer have a chance for the 9-superior-year trophy that i would get senior year (a perfect way to end piano lessons), and i let practically everyone down.

and i don't know what to do.. when she told me, i was like.. about to cry.. god.

it's got me thinking though. sigh.

there's still a sliver of hope.. i can explain to my teacher how i did, and she'll explain it to the music chair, and the music chair might overrule the judge's rating, giving me superior. i honestly didn't think i would get excellent, there was a chance, but a very slight chance...

is memorization > musicality now? b/c i played it with so much emotion .. god.

and i worked so effing hard last week. like.. so many hours of piano practice. practiced like i had never practiced before...

the worst thing that could happen.. happened.

and i don't know what to do.