the worry-week.

so i've had quite the rocky week. kay, not just rocky, it was like bottom of a pit week. prior to friday, i would claim that i had two "happy" moments in the week.

and those were.. someone telling me that i was a real friend. and the other was bynum telling me that i have nothing to worry about with districts, and that i should be qualifying. with marisa in oratory. i hope he's right.. i've worked so hard this year, and my "resume" of oratory really justifies it. i mean.. only SC orator to break at wake forest & emory. 1st at riverside (straight 1's too!) and just recently from yesterday, 1st at JL mann. (and onceagain, another straight flush.) i don't want to get cocky, because i know that always kills me in the end -- but i feel confident in saying that if i don't, it's unjust. so let's hope the consistency stays, because so far -- southside, riverside & jl mann have proved that it's there.

so let's talk a bit. this week, i've learned a lot about people. i've learned about their virtues, their morals, their motives, and their emotional stability. it makes me sound like i'm a chemist and they're my labrats, but it's definitely not that. it's just something i notice. part of human nature. and if not, gary's nature. ^_^

the JL mann tournament was just filled with .. nothing. i had a mini-breakdown during lunch (after round 2) and it was just not a fun time. HI was insanely wrong.. i went 2 6 5 3, but the results were absolutely inaccurate. oratory went well as i stated before, but i still pray for consistency in the next few weeks. the tournament left me feeling empty.. and lonely. i guess that's how i felt the entire time being there though. (between rounds) sigh.

bob jones went okay. i practiced SO much this week, and i hope that it pays off. i messed up on debussy pretty badly, but hopefully my first piece helped the judge overlook it and still give me the superior. watching this kingdom hearts piano medley has inspired me on the piano.. i hope i don't get a bad rating from the audition, then lessons would be pretty much worthless, and i might quit. but i don't want to.

my expectations and what really happens have had a hate-relationship this week. i've expected so many things to go wrong, and they actually went the opposite. i've felt really empty, and lonely this week. just everything didn't go right...

but today, things did. guitar hero is really fun. i don't like the message or the animation/characters, etc. that they kinda try to send out, but the music is okay (not when it's shouting and screaming) and playing the guitar is fun. come to think of it, my actual acoustic guitar is still in the box. from december. ehehe. i'm pretty bad at it, but oh well. cleaned my room.. and i've sang a lot this week. finding karaoke instrumentals or just a capella, i've sang a lot this week. and it's fun. i really wanna audition. ai7 is going well btw.

so i've learned a lot this week. i've learned about who really does care for me, and who's just kinda there. i've learned about who knows what's going on with me, and how i feel about it. and if not, they ask. and i appreciate it.

i could be brown, i could be blue,
i could be violet sky;
i could be purple, i could be hurtful,
i can be anything you like,
gotta be green, gotta be mean,
gotta be anything more,
why don't you like me, why don't you like me..
walk out the door..

i've learned about acceptance. and i would mention this in my oratory, but it would take too long to say. last week was pretty crappy, but this week started off pretty nice. and i hope it stays that way.

this is a kind of not-so-philosophical-make-you-think-about-your-life kind of post, but i needed this because i've thought so much about my life this week.

and i love my best friends.

- Gary