cleaning up, cleaning out

today i cleaned my room, and it took a WAY long time. it took about 3-4 hours and i'm still not even done. from organizing files, to putting forensics things in place, organizing my school notes for binders (Even though I haven't really looked at those notes), going through college mails, and just going through all the little random things i have on my desk.. it took a while.

when i look at a mess, i really don't want to confront it. it kinda scares me in a way -- i know i created it but it's like.. hard to overcome it. but as you take one file away, one paper away, the floor becomes yours again -- you can see it, you can step on it, it's all ready for you.

my room is clear right now. i moved all the stuff out (for vacuuming) and i love the feeling of the emptyness. i feel so large. in such a huge space. it's nice.

it snowed yesterday. we had no school and it was great. i relaxed, aside from being frustrated over oratory topics and cleaning my room, and it was nice. lots of people asked me if i "played in the snow." and i didn't. but i did have this brief 3 minute period when i just ran out in my sneakers, a light shirt and sweatpants and just ran around my backyard, with my heart beating and the wind beating against my skin-dry face.

and ya know what?

that was all i needed.

sigh of relief.