it broke my heart, and now it's raining; please don't rub it in.

so i haven't blogged in quite a bit of time. i haven't even finished my "snow post." maybe.. the next time it snows or something. i'll update it later; keep watch on it please, readers? :)

this week has been like.. so.. sakldfjasdlkfj ugh. like that. it's like.. one moment, happy and good, then the next -- horrible, menacing, down in the dumps. might as well go through a week recap of what i can remember... meh. IB Ball was fun. It was good to dance, I hadn't done that in a long time =[ Southside tournament was really fun. It was nice watching pieces, getting inspired in HI, jumping out in the snow, taking thousands(andmore) pictures.. it was just great. :)

However, everything after that just like.. spiraled downward. Sunday was insanely drab and boring. Just.. boring. Monday was .. just a relaxation day but I didn't really do anything constructive, oh well. I feel really disconnected.. just .. now.

Tuesday was horrible. It was like.. just bad and bad and bad. I tried to pay attention in classes; I did successfully! But everyone around me was just all -.- and groaning, and it was just such a negative environment. I didn't like it at all. Then we got report cards. cue the -.- and groaning please. Hehhh. Err, economics project is going to suck, idk how I'm going to make > $50. this sucksss. err, compsci was worse because we had a program due (today extended to tomorrow) and err, I honestly can't program. Like, java is something I actually.. can't do. Eh, maybe life's just throwing obstacles my way? Time to jump and overcome them, I guess. If not, avoid them and they'll haunt me? Sigh. Forensics was like.. badish too. Bynum's kinda PO'd about the Congress thing, and he threw me back in House A...

Luckily, I'm back in House B. =D Yay for today. Today was much better. MUCH better. But still drab. I really feel like I've lost the passion for schoolwork and learning and such. I want something.. to drive me again. It's an odd feeling, but I'm sure you've all experienced it once in your lifetime? Err, yeah. Angela helped me a lot with the program. I guess it's good to have someone once in a while. Bah. I still need to like... really learn it independently though. Anyways, going off on a tangent, strings was fun cause it was short. Forensics was fun cause we just talked. I'm totally not ready for Emory.

Oh, rant about Emory. IT'S GOING TO BE HORRIBLE. Well, the people. Cause like.. none of my close friends are going. It's just.. really weird. Reminiscing back into elementary/middle school where I didn't have like.. a lot of friends. lol. Well, friends that like actually "wanted" to be my friend, not just to be cool, or vice-versa, whatever. I wish I had a friend that I could just tell everything to, and they knew exactly what was going on, and they knew everything. I have great friends and I appreciate that, but the "perfect friend" just isn't real, but I guess I haven't accepted that. Maybe I'm still expecting one of my good friends to.. suddenly start caring more about me and like.. figure everything out! But then there went the suspense and the adventure. Heh. It's quite sad though. I'm really really concentrating and praying that I will break, get a key, and like.. be happy. I'd love to final. That'd be simply AMAZING. So I hope I will. I don't have anything else going for me at Emory.. none of my friends will really be there, so.. might as well just do my best, not goof around and stuff.

So today after a GREAT piano lesson (WOO!), we had dinner. That was good too, and I went upstairs and did my whole "clean up / organizing" thing. Of course I had my iPod out. But I sang like.. 5-6 songs. And they were like.. GOOD. I guess American Idol auditions coming back are inspiring me as well. But I really love singing. Since I don't have a lot of time for piano and violin (andguitar, derrrr!), singing is a great way to express myself musically. And I .. actually can sing so that makes it better. Wish I had a video camera to put it on youtube though. Get some nice comments, lol. Then again, not many of my friends have actually heard me sing something.. like.. modern. Hehehe. Maybe one day, maybe one day...

After singing, I looked at my YEARBOOK. From 9th grade. And realized a lot. While looking back at the messages, I realized how .. different I am now. The people I associate with, the people I've gotten closer with, gotten farther away from.. it's really interesting. I.. feel like I actually know LESS people this year. Or.. haven't got to talk to as many people. I guess it's cause I'm just so darn busy, but can't help it, that's the way this Taiwanesedude rolls. I can say that I've gotten closer with a lot of people, so I guess there's the balance in that.

This is like .. a rant but like.. philosophy at the same time. It's kinda hard to do that. Err. Possibly not. Keep on reading? lol.

But yeah. I don't feel great. My mood is just fluctuating like every moment. Happy one time, then horrible the next. I'm just SO stressed out and I feel like I'm going to collapse. And I definitely need someone to catch me when I fall. Haha.

SO.. goals for the week include:
- BREAK at emory. [you guys can keep track of results at gaforensics.com. please do.]
- if BROKEN at emory, SEMI AND FINAL.
- don't collapse.
- don't do something you'll regret (hey facebook horoscope!)
- don't screw up on grades. (i'm coming back sunday at like approx. 11:30pm. hopefully someone will be online to talk to me. HINTHINT. yeah. and to givemeanswersonstuff. i mean talk about emory and like be a good friiiiiend!)

err yeah. i need to like, revise my oratory. and do stats homefun. kay maybe i'll do that tomorrow, but oratory oratory oratory.

oh boy. what have i gotten myself into...

oh wait, life.

- Gary