darkness from within.

i am VERY depressed, pissed off, and tired at the moment. like, i don't wanna play the "blame game" but today pissed me off SO much in forensics.

luckily, i'm talking to angela about this at the moment, because if i didn't, this entry would probably be as vulgar as a samuel jackson muthaf*cking snakes on a muthaf*ckin plane movie. haha.

well, so like, first thing that pissed me off was drew's huge "speech" about putting things in importance, and prioritizing. i mean he's right, and then he's like this is for fun.. but be serious. i was like wtf. and then this whole rant becomes bullsh!t in a few hours.

so like nidhi & i were practicing from like 4- 5:45, and then reina & ranni were too but like the whole time, drew and mr. bynum were helping THEM out: evaluating em, changing their script around, giving em more motions and stuff.. and then like nidhi & i were just at the side.. and they like WOULDN'T help us.

even angela noticed.. and i was like WTF u guys'll help ranni & reina for about 2 hours, but not even LOOK or WATCH 1 minute of our performance, let along our whole duo.

what's worse for me is that on wednesday, drew said he wanted to see me do my HI friday, so i was like okay (even though i didnt really want to lol) and then like i was there till 6:30 and he never asked me. so i was like WTF. and adding onto being pissed off, i'm really tired too.. so that adds into depression. haha.

im hoping i place at mauldin tomorrow so when they like congratulate me, i'll be like "u guys didnt help me at all -- i don't credit this as a southside win." i sound like a sore loser, but they should be freakin HELPING us; not picking their favorites and running with them.

yea..i'm supposing that Mr.Bynum wants ranni and reina to place really well for tomorrow since they placed second at dorman...but still, it won't make a difference if only they place well...and everyone else is screwed! alex and grace got some help.. prolly cuz they made 4th at dorman. but like nidhi & i got 11th, and we're SO much better now [since we swapped parts] but like they didn't even CARE to help us at ALL. like drew helped us TWO weeks ago when we swapped parts, and he was like "learn your lines; practice practice."

some constructive criticism. *rolls eyes* well, then the NEXT thing that happened that PO'd me was not about me, it was about my partner nidhi.. everyone's left cept like a few of us, so im on my cell playing a game and drew comes and he's like "do u know if nidhi's done with her kiddie lit?"

im like "yeah she's almost done" and he's like "can i talk to her on ur phone?" and im like .. "sure!" so i call reina [since nidhi never turns on her phone] and drew talks to her. i got so PO'd from the conversation. he was like "is ur piece done because if it's not, you can't do it." and im like WTF.. you freakin made her CHANGE the piece like to rearrange it, and stuff.. but luckily, she is doing it without anyone's help (hmm, sound familiar to my HI and our duo?)

my favorite quote from the conversation however:
silver shadexx (7:26:16 PM): so this just like blew off all my steam..
silver shadexx (7:26:20 PM): it's lava now, angela, it's LAVA!

so yep. basically, forensics is not fair. it's just a little "pick and choose" competition. i see why the team is so small now, because people PROBABLY got sick of dealing with the "prepped" ones and just flat-out quit. i'm guessing that drew & mr. bynum prolly looked at the scores and stuff from dorman and past tournaments, picked out their favorites from each category and decided to pimp them up. american idol all over again and i am so pissed off.

end of rant -- end of story.

i want to place,
and i'm GOING
to place.

- nocturne xx